good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
