I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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