I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
bring money and cleavage
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
