This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
