my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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