the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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