my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
