I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he told me I talked like a deaf person
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
