How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
