On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
