I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
