i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
