Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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