why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
