I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
