my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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