Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
