just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
