Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
