Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
