haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
