Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
