This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
