"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
