Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
