Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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