The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
