I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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