I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
