oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
