I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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