Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
