Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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