Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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