girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
