Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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