I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
