I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
