I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize