I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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