Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
