I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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