so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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