I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
