I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
