you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
