There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
