Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
