I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
