hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
