i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
this hospital has no fireball
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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