96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
