Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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