For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
