we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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